The divorce journey is a long one and doesn’t end with the signing of papers or a court date. Regardless of who decided to leave or whether or not it was mutual, there is a lot of sadness, anger, and grief that surrounds all parties. And then there’s the shame. I wasn’t even sure what shame was until I recently read Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly. I finally realized that so much of the emotional pain I was experiencing centered around shame. This is my third divorce (the only one with a child) and I didn't even realize just how much I was shaming myself and allowing the opinions of others to keep me living in that shame. Part of it was that this time there was not one glaring thing wrong with my partner and that made it difficult for anyone, myself included, to really understand why I left. It's never that simple, though, is it?
It’s been almost three years since we first split and I’m just beginning to get a handle on my emotions. My decision to leave was predicated on a sadness wide and deep. Somewhere along the way I had completely lost myself through motherhood and depression and a not-knowing how to find myself again. He is a wonderful man; kind, gentle, intelligent, and a wonderful father. But there was something inside me that was disconnected and as long as I stayed, I could not find the fix.
The decision to leave was the hardest one I had ever made, and even though so much pain and grief and shame has followed, I have no regrets. I continue to emerge and find myself again. I am softer (inside and out), less judgmental of myself and others, kinder, and wiser. This journey has taught me so much and I am grateful to be co-parenting with my ex. I am also grateful for how we chose to navigate the separation, divorce, and co-parenting. We have done so with mutual respect and kindness. We continue to put our egos aside (knowing they can’t be completely left out) and we focus on what’s best for our child. Many have commended us along the way for how we have done so and how we treat each other. Our son is well-adjusted and happy, and while he would prefer we were a complete family again, recognizes that he has two loving parents who deeply care about him and his well-being.
The decision to create Hello Dori, Divorce-Positive Coaching did not come quickly or easily. I don’t have all the answers, but I recognize that one of my greatest gifts is helping people navigate extremely difficult life challenges in a way that is soulful, mindful, and with powerful results to get them through to the other side. It is what I was put on this earth to do. You don’t have to go through a painful breakup alone and you certainly have a choice around how you want to progress through your pain. If you want to grow and find ways to stay grounded and positive, then you’ve landed in a good place. I welcome you and look forward to hearing about YOUR journey.